Small Wins That Actually Matter After Separation

The big picture can feel overwhelming when navigating life after separation or divorce. There are custody arrangements, co-parenting challenges, financial stresses, and powerful emotions hitting in waves.  But underneath the chaos are the small wins—moments that may seem insignificant to the outside world but are actually milestones in your healing and growth.

Recognizing and celebrating these wins isn’t just a feel-good tactic. It’s essential. These little victories are how we rebuild confidence, track healing, and prove to ourselves that forward motion is happening, even if it doesn’t always feel like it. Here are small wins that actually matter after separation.

Getting Out of Bed 

The first few days, weeks, or even months post-separation can feel like you are barely keeping it together ( getting even a few minutes in a row without panicking or crying or yelling is huge). Hence, getting out of bed, showering, and making your coffee can feel overwhelming. If you found the strength to get up and face the day, that’s a win. Full stop.

Not Responding to the Provoking Text

Divorce and co-parenting often involve moments that test every ounce of your self-control. When you choose not to respond to that one text meant to bait you into conflict—that’s emotional growth in real-time. I deleted a lot of paragraphs of text in the early days and just texted ‘Ok’ instead. Huge win. You’re choosing peace over pettiness, and that’s huge. 

Saying No Without Guilt

Maybe it's declining an invite, saying no to a last-minute favor, or turning down a co-parent’s unreasonable request. If you’re starting to set boundaries and prioritize your needs, celebrate that. That’s self-respect in motion. For people pleasers like me, this can be challenging, but that's all the more reason to practice saying those uncomfortable things to establish boundaries that will free you up, restore your energy, and ultimately change your life.

Reconnecting With an Old Friend

Post-separation life can be isolating. Reaching out to someone from your past, grabbing coffee, or even just texting back can make a big difference. Connection is healing, and choosing it is a courageous act.  If you were in a controlling relationship, then most likely you were isolated from friends and family, so almost anybody you call will be a reconnection. I reconnected with so many wonderful souls post-separation. I even started a Facebook page for everyone in my 6th-grade class way back in the day, and we have since had two reunions.

Enjoying a Moment of Solitude

Not loneliness—solitude. There’s a difference. That moment where you're alone and it's peaceful, not painful? That’s your soul letting you know you’re healing. I remember when it shifted, when I no longer felt lonely in my apartment, and I started to love having my own space all to myself. That was a huge turning point. Now I protect that, that solitude, that peace, with a passion.

Laughing Again

The first time you catch yourself laughing, maybe from a meme or a show, it might surprise you. That laugh is sacred. It means your spirit is slowly remembering joy. I remember I was watching a Dave Chappelle special on Netflix and was practically falling on the floor laughing. I felt that lightness again for the first time in a long time. 

Getting Through a Trigger Without Falling Apart

Whether it’s a song, a smell, or a place that reminds you of what used to be, facing a trigger and not collapsing is strength. Even if you teared up or had to take a moment, you still made it through. Going back to the old house for pick ups and drop offs would hit me so hard for so long. All the memories in that house, all the things we'd talked about doing in the future. Lots of tears. And then one day, no more. I can go into that house now without any trigger.

Putting Energy Into Something New

This could be picking up a hobby, starting therapy, journaling, going back to the gym, or trying something creative. When you invest in yourself instead of your past, that’s massive. What have you always wanted to try? What do you love to do, but haven't had the time to engage with it since the kids? Now is your opportunity. I have taken a few road trips and done a good amount of karaoke since the split. Karma Chameleon is my go-to song.

Letting Go of Comparison

When you stop stalking your ex’s social media, or comparing your healing timeline to someone else's, you're reclaiming your peace. You remember that healing isn’t a competition.

Saying "I Need Help"

Admitting you need support—whether it’s from a therapist, coach, friend, or support group—is not weakness. It's wisdom. It’s the refusal to go it alone anymore. That’s a brave, important win. I sought out friends and cousins who had gone through divorces or separations and asked them to share their stories, advice, and lessons. I shared my story with them, too. This made a huge difference for me. I didn’t feel so alone. I felt seen.

Showing Up for Your Kids, Even When It's Hard

You might not be able to give them everything, but you’re giving them you. Showing up with love, patience, and honesty, even when you're not at 100%, is one of the biggest small wins. It will be hard many times, especially in the beginning. Power through. Cry in the car or the bathroom, but keep going. Don't let your feelings run the show. Let your word to your kids be the driver at all times. 

Noticing Progress Without Needing Perfection 

You caught yourself being more present. You realized you didn't cry today. You saw your anger turn into reflection. None of it's perfect. But progress matters more than perfection ever will. I remember when I finally let go of the anger, the hate. That was a big win. I got so much freedom when I did that.

Why Small Wins Matter So Much

These wins are the emotional building blocks of your post-divorce identity. They rebuild your sense of worth, your confidence, your momentum. Each one stacks on the last, slowly shifting your narrative from "I can't believe this happened" to "I can't believe how far I've come."

When you document your wins—in a journal, voice memo, or even on social media—you validate your experience and create a trail of evidence that you're moving forward. These are proof points in your journey.

Healing after separation is a marathon, not a sprint. Some days will still be hard. Some will knock you down. But these small wins? They're your proof that you keep getting back up.

So don’t wait for the big breakthrough. Celebrate the hell out of every single small win because they’re really not small at all.

Need support? Let’s chat