67 Essential Life Lessons I Learned From My Father

It has been more than twenty years since he died, but the essential life lessons I learned from my father remain. In no particular order here are 67 of them.

1. Know Your History

My father was a history teacher. He always talked about how important it was to know history, generally speaking, but also how important it was to know your own family history as well. I was very young when I learned where my grandparents were from, what they had to overcome in their lives, and how their stories shaped mine. This made a huge difference in how I saw myself and what I believed was possible.

2. Make Sure That Your Kids Know You Love Their Mother

My dad was always talking about how much he loved our mom. He practically would yell it in the street. He complimented her often, held her hand when they walked, hugged and kissed her. There was never any question in my mind about how my dad felt about my mom. I learned how to express my love from seeing my dad express his. This matters.

3. Vote

My dad also taught civics. He made it clear from as early as I can remember that voting is sacred. He told my sister and me about how people in many places in the world still don’t have a say in who governs them or how they govern. He talked about how hard it was for African-Americans and for women to gain the right to vote here in the U.S. He talked about how many people died fighting for this right. There is never a valid reason for sitting out an election. Never.

4. Routines Matter

My dad had lots of really good habits that he kept running like clockwork. By maintaining these without fail, I was able to see how his mood, his health and his overall outlook were positively impacted.

5. Don’t Drink

My dad didn’t drink alcohol. I wish I would have followed this one as well, but alas I learned it the harder way. My dad had an amazing time at all the events and parties we’d attend as a family and he didn’t need booze to make that happen. And by making this choice my sister and I always knew what dad was going to show up for us day and night. He didn’t have depressants pumping through his system so we never heard him say horrible things to our mom. We didn’t have to worry about whether he was ok to drive us all home. You get the idea.

6. Dance Whenever You Get The Chance

My dad loved to dance. Greek dance. Ballroom. Just turn on the music. When my dad was leading a Greek dance you could tell that he was almost floating. He was so connected to the moment to the joy of being fully alive.

7. Really Listen

My dad had a way of making you feel like the two of you were the only two people in the world when you were speaking to him. I can’t fully articulate just how amazing that makes someone feel. When they really feel heard I mean.

8. Be Good To People

It didn’t matter who my dad was talking to. He always showed up the same way. He was great with people. From his barber to the neighborhood kids to the guys who picked up our garbage, dad was just good to people.

9. Pray

My dad went to church every week. He sat right in the front pew. We prayed at dinner as a family. He gave thanks. We learned early on that we didn’t have much control or say in what ultimately happened to us. My dad always did his best and he also prayed a lot too. I think that’s the best combination.

10. Love And Respect Your Parents

My dad’s dad was much older when he became a father and he was old school and old country in how he approached parenting. In other words, my dad’s mom did all of the heavy lifting. That written, my dad loved his parents and always honored them.

11. Run

My dad loved track and field. He was a scholar athlete in college and ran with the likes of Bill Russell. When I was a kid my dad would take me and other kids from the neighborhood to the track. We would run 400’s or 100 meters and my dad always had his stop watch with him. He loved the film, Chariots of Fire. You get the idea. I run on the treadmill daily. I was never an athlete like my dad was, but I got the running bug for sure. There is a place when I am running full out when all that seems to exist is my breathing. There is a spiritual quality to running that runners know. My dad knew it. The times I think I hear my dad talking to me are nearly always when I am running. That’s when he shows up.

12. Walk

My mom and dad loved to walk. They’d walk through our neighborhood sometimes in the evenings and they’d walk the towns and cities they visited when they’d travel. It is a beautiful way to get to know a place and it’s wonderful for the soul.

13. Be Mindful Of What You Are Consuming

My dad meant this in a couple of ways. First, eat well. Don’t eat too many sweets. Practice moderation. Secondly, though, he meant choose what you listen to and what you watch carefully. It impacts you. My dad wouldn’t watch horror films or films that showed violence for no narrative reason. He wanted to be moved or inspired or educated or changed for the better.

14. Floss

My dad would sometimes have a radio show or an opera or classical music playing while he brushed and flossed his teeth. It was a thing. It was not to be rushed.

15. Pay Yourself First

My dad and mom were very clear about this. Whenever money comes in, pay yourself 10% off the top and then don’t touch it. Save it, invest it, let math do its thing to it. Another lesson that I wish I would have put into practice.

16. Keep Your House In Order

My dad and mom would clean the house on a weekly basis. I can picture my dad now polishing while listening to his favorite music. And he would sweep the sidewalk in front of the house as well. Keep things clean. It makes you feel better and people appreciate it.

17. Be Creative

One of my favorite memories from my childhood is when my dad would just make up games. I remember we’d go to parks and he’d just create an obstacle course for us and then we’d time each other and see who could go through it the fastest. It was nothing more than “first you swing three times then you go down the slide and climb the ladder and get in the tire swing….”, but it was so much fun.

18. Be Enthusiastic

My dad was an amazing history teacher. Many of his former students have shared with our family about how he impacted their lives, how he was their favorite teacher. My dad was enthusiastic. It was infectious. He loved history and he loved teaching and he brought that energy every day. Enthusiasm changes lives.

19. Be Patient

When my mom’s mom and dad were in their later years they started forgetting a lot. They would repeat stories often. I will never forget how my dad would listen to them share stories he’d heard a million times like it was the first time he’d heard them.

20. Actions Speak

My dad wasn’t a talker. I mean he loved to talk, and engage, but he was about results. How were his students doing in his classes? What was his last quarter mile time? How many chapters of his book had he written? There were amazing things that my dad had done in his life that I only learned about after he died. He didn’t boast. He wasn’t arrogant. He just did a lot for a lot of people. He did it exceptionally well and he did it consistently.

21. Learn How To Deal With Things You Aren’t Good At

My dad sucked at fixing stuff. It just wasn’t something he enjoyed or wanted to put a lot of time into learning how to do. My dad had a solid starting five of folks who could all probably build a house from the ground up if forced to though. I recall many times one of the neighbors or one of my uncles or cousins at our house helping fix a plumbing issue or hang a basketball hoop. Dad in turn would help them sort through complicated ballot measures at election time.

22. Do The Work The Way It’s Meant To Be Done

My dad wasn’t scared to roll up his sleeves and go to work. He got both academic and athletic scholarships for college. He got advanced degrees. He helped raise two kids and get them through college. He served for two years in the Army. He taught for multiple decades at the community college level, won awards, and taught thousands of students many of whom would say that he was the best teacher they ever had. My dad didn’t cut corners. You could tell that right away just from looking at his penmanship.

23. Read

He loved reading good biographies. David McCullough. Robert Dallek. My dad read all the time. He had books on his night stand, books in his study, books and newspapers in the family room. He loved to learn. He was an energetic and curious student throughout his life.

24. Prepare

I remember overhearing my dad through his study door working on talks he was going to give at events or prepping lectures for his classes. He was excellent at what he did in part because he prepared. He put in the time talking things through, editing and getting feedback. He was kind of like the Lebron James of community college teachers. He rarely missed any classes and he would always outwork his colleagues in the off season.

25. Dinner Time Together

No TV on, no distractions. Many times we’d hold hands and say a short prayer. We talked about our day, current events, and anything we had on our minds. My dad was always at the table. Dinner time as a family is a big deal. It made a big difference in my life. It really communicated to me that my sister and I were important. That our family came first.

26. Invite Friends Over For Dinner

Our house was the neighborhood hub. Friends would often join us for dinner. That would often times lead to board games and laughter. My dad loved board games. From Monopoly to Trivial Pursuit. There was a real sense of community in our home.

27. Know How To Lose

My dad wasn’t the best teacher for this one. He was as competitive as they come. Let’s just say that whether it was a game of Monopoly or a foot race around the block, my dad didn’t hold back and he played to win. I had to unlearn a bit of this as I’ve gotten older because it wasn’t serving me :) Regardless, I learned the lesson.

28. Talk To Strangers

No, not when you’re 4 years old necessarily, but my dad would talk to anybody. He made freinds and connections wherever we went. I recall taking a bus in Manhattan with my dad when I was probably 12. He met a couple from Australia and by the time we got off the bus he had an invite to stay at their home should we ever head down under.

29. Cars and Clothes Don’t Make the Man

My dad had one or two suits that he had for years and he drove a VW bug for the longest time. Still, the number of women who had crushes on him was ridiculous. And yes, that doesn’t make the man either. Dad had character. Integrity. You always knew where he stood. And he took care of his family.

30. Show Up

My dad was reliable. If he said he was going to do something or be somewhere you could take that to the bank.

31. No When To Back Down

I remember my dad confronting a neighbor about something when I was young. The neighbor shoved my dad. There were a lot of neighbors watching. Dad could have leveled the guy. He chose to walk away.

32. Loyalty

My dad had friends from all walks of life and many of those he’d known since childhood. Dad was fiercely loyal. Once my dad was in your corner he never left.

33. Relationships Are Everything

Dad was a great friend to a lot of people. He took care of his relationships. They were gold to him. Joe, Don, Pete and down the line. Dad could call 50 people at 3am with a favor and they’d pickup and help out. When he was sick the outpouring of love and stories that friends shared from all over the globe was incredible.

34. Reputation

If it isn’t everything it’s most of it. Dad had an incredible reputation. He was trusted, respected, and loved by many.

35. Gratitude

My dad was so grateful for the moments in his life. After seeing an incredible film or after going for a run or when he would look at my mom, you could see how blessed he knew he was. It was all over his face. I think that’s the expression that I recall the most. The expression of a man fulfilled, a man who counted his blessings all the time.

36. The Most Important Decisions

Who you marry. What you do. Where you live. Dad loved his work with a passion not see by most working people. He was head over heals for my mom. And he loved the Bay Area. He hit for the cycle here.

37. Don’t Let Fear Stop You

They say that public speaking is one of the scariest things for most people. My dad loved it. He loved stepping out and feeling that fear and excitement. He loved that rush of aliveness that comes from stepping through fear.

38. Get Good Shoes

Take care of your feet.

39. Stretch

Every morning without fail my dad would stretch. I think it helped his back, but I also think it helped his mind. My dad had an intensity about him. Stretching kept him loose.

40. Ask Questions

My dad was incredible at asking questions. It is an art form. It comes from practice and from a desire to truly want to know about others. He asked about what made people tick, what they loved, and how they saw the world. He could be intimidating at first for some people, but it was hard n ot to fall in love with him at some point. He just authentically wanted to know you. To know you.

41. Play

My dad loved games, but even more than that he just really brought the spirit of play to all areas of his life.

42. Volunteer

Whether it was for the church or for my school, dad was involved. He wasn’t a sidelines, spectator type of guy. He wanted to be in the game, on the field contributing.

43. Take Responsibility And Ask For Forgiveness

Sometimes he messed up. Sometimes he was forgiven. Not every time, but he knew how to own his mistakes without blaming others for them.

44. Drive Safely

Dad drove the speed limit. Sometimes other people in the car weren’t thrilled with that, but dad understood physics and statistics.

45. Travel

Luckily for my dad he was married to perhaps the greatest traveler ever born. My mom led the way on prioritizing seeing the world and planning trips accordingly. My dad was forever grateful for all of the amazing trips he took. Those experiences were some of his best.

46. Be Generous

With your time, attention, knowledge, skills, money

47. Get Excited

About a big game or a meal or connecting with good friends or the moment. My dad was frequently animated, delighted, elevated. It’s contagious.

48. Have Options

Learn enough, do enough, build enough, know enough great people so that you always have options.

49. Date A Lot

Dad dated a lot before he got married.

50. Sing

Dad loved the old school big band singers. Vic Damone. He also loved Greek folk songs. He sang any chance he got. Singing is good for the soul.

51. Don’t Rush

Take your time and do what’s in front of you as well as you can and then move onto the next thing.

52. Hedge Your Bets

I was going to drop out of college to pursue a music career. Dad wasn’t having that. Thank God.

53. Get Your Rest

My dad always got his sleep. He wouldn’t pull all nighters. He would rest his eyes during TV commercials sometimes. He knew how to recharge. He knew that good sleep and rest were key.

54. Write It Down

Letters. Journals. Papers. A book. Dad was always writing, sharing his thoughts, acknowledging people, capturing memories. We have some of his journal entries from when we were children. It makes me well up and I’m so thankful I have it. He absolutely loved being a dad. Our dad.

55. Pick Up The Phone

Dad stayed in touch. I can still hear the sound of his voice and the sound of his laughter when he’d be on the phone with friends, cousins, his mom. He stayed connected to his circle. And it was a huge circle. Friends from his Army days. Friends from church. Friends from school. Family. Dad would focus too. He’d often close his eyes when he was on the phone. He wanted to give his full attention to who he was speaking with. No distractions.

56. Moderation

My dad would eat ice cream, but he wasn’t knocking down pints. I continue to struggle with this one :)

57. Look For Inspiration Everywhere

Dad would get inspired by great acting, a song, an article, my mom, a sporting event, a run. He intentionally looked for uplift.

58. Be Intentional

My dad did things with purpose. He was intentional with his time, with his days and weeks. And all of this was a function of who he said he wanted to be in the world- a great teacher, husband, father, friend, volunteer, athlete, student, son.

59. Be Proud of Where You Are From

Greece. San Francisco. Oakland. My dad represented for all of them. He loved their histories and he loved hos his own personal story was tied to all three of these places.

60. Laugh

My dad could actually cry laughing. Like struggle with his breathing kind of laughing. Like nearly throw out his back laughing. Laugh like that.

61. Stay True To Yourself

My dad wasn’t a party guy. He wasn’t trying to fit in. He was being himself. He always stayed true to his core values regardless of whether his values were cool or popular.

62. Finish Strong

It’s not about winning although my dad liked winning. It’s about finishing strong. When we would go and run at the track and I would run a 400 he would always tell me to push that last 100. Open it up. To this day, when I am running on the treadmill and I am chasing a certain goal….I hear my dad and I kick it into higher gear that last stretch.

63. Make Your Parents Proud

There isn’t one recipe for this. There are all kinds of ways that you can do this, but do it. Dad absolutely did.

64. Define Your Own Success

Dad wasn’t on a paper chase. He wasn’t trying to make a billion dollars. That wasn’t his definition for success. He wanted to accomplish something else. with his life. He wanted to make a positive difference in as many people’s lives as possible while he was here.

65. Ask Your Child What’s On His or Her Mind

And then just look at him like he is the most important person in the world and be quiet and wait for him to share. And be ok with whatever he says.

66. Appreciate Others

Dad was the hit in the oncology dept when he was going through tests and treatments. He made the doctors and nurses smile and he asked them questions and he brought enthusiasm to an otherwise challenging environment. They loved him and they were brokenhearted when the cancer came back that last time. Someone with so much life and so much to contribute still. It still makes me cry. Dad appreciated all of them. They fully got who they are in the world because my dad let them know. He was appreciative literally all the way to the end.

67. Dignity, Grace and No Regrets

My dad was a young 67 when he died. He fought cancer with everything he had for 5 years.

Still, he was grateful for his life and he was a teacher until the very end. He taught me how to die with dignity and grace and without regrets.

He wanted Mozart’s Piano Concerto #21 playing when he transitioned to the other side.

God bless you, dad. You taught me, and so many others, how to live an extraordinary life.